Queen: The Movie

An Exclusive Sneak At Peter Morgan's Script (Possibly)

Scene 1

May 1977 – Five-star suite, George V Hotel, Paris -- dusk

Freddie Mercury is lying face-down on a bearskin-covered divan while a pretty-boy teen Moroccan massages his back. Nonchalantly, Mercury paints his nails with black polish.

In the corner stands Brian May, wearing a "Save the Badger" t-shirt, unplugged Red Special guitar round his neck, trying out twangy rock riffs.

Brian

Whatd’ya reckon, Fred?

No response. He tries another.

Brian

This?

Still nothing. May huffs over to the window, where stands his astronomer’s telescope. He stoops to look through the viewfinder.

Brian

You know, if atmospheric conditions are right tonight, we should get a glimpse of the ring around Uranus.

Mercury ignores him. He claps his hands. The boy stops pampering. Mercury gets up, dons a silk kimono and passes the young masseur a bag of gold, ushering him out of the room.

Freddie (to Brian)

Darling, don’t you just adore Paris?

Brian (without looking up)

Too much reflected light.

Freddie

Don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars…

Freddie lays his arm on Brian’s.

Freddie

Darling, do I look different to you, somehow?

Brian (looking up briefly)

Your nails?

Freddie

No dammit. My face. Do I seem a little peachy? Do I? Do I?

May shrugs.

Freddie

I’ve been exercising.

May (sighing)

Exercising?

Freddie
Yes darling... the warm leather between the buttocks, the pounding of pedals.

Mercury flounces to the piano and picks out a few notes.

Freddie

I want to ride my bicycle.

Brian
I prefer a trip to the pictures. I liked that one with the shark.

Freddie
Oh Brian, you're so mainstream. Jaws was never my scene...

Suddenly inspired, his piano tinkering picks up momentum. He starts forming a tune.

Freddie
... and I don't like Star Wars.

Brian remains lost in his telescope.

Brian
How can you not like Star Wars?

Freddie

C’mon Bri’, put that thing down.

Brian

But Uranus.

Freddie

… can wait. I feel a ditty coming on.

He starts up the piano riff to Bicycle Race.

Freddie

Humour me, you hippie.

May comes over.

Freddie

Remember the formula: showtune for the verse, opera for the chorus, then you can scream and bend all you like on the solo.

Brian

What do we tell the others?

Freddie

They’re big girls. They’ll understand.

The pair launch into the embryonic song, warbling like Hinge and Bracket.

Scene 2

A few hours later -- onstage at the Marshal Pétain Velodrome.

The band finishes up a big bombastic number. Freddie hands his characteristic stick-mic to a roadie and takes to the piano stool.

Freddie (to the crowd)

Merci beaucoup, merci beaucoup.

He waits for quiet.

Freddie

Now, for all you dirty little whores out there -- yes, yes darlings, you know who you are -- we’re going to do something a bit special tonight. A brand new song…

He starts playing the new composition, Bicycle Race. Roger Taylor and John Deacon look at each other and shrug. They cast eyes towards Brian, who gives them a “don’t blame me, guys” grimace.

Brian (mouthing)

F sharp major. 4/4. The usual.

John and Roger nod. Roger tips a can of lager on his snare drum and does his trademark drum roll/spray, bringing the house down.

Scene 3

Two hours later -- stage door.

The band is ushered through a throng of screaming fans straight into a waiting limo, still in their 70s satin/silk stage gear, long hair sweaty. Their driver is a black man named Dominic.

Dominic

You are comfortable messieurs? Then we go.

They drive off, fans banging on the roof and windows.

Dominic

You just need to tell me where to stop to pick up the girls.

Brian

Girls?

Dominic

You know. Les oiseaux…

Silence.

Dominic

For the jiggy-jiggy?

Roger

Er, we’re not really a girl kind of band.

He nods discreetly at Mercury, who’s dozing behind huge shades.

Brian

We’re artists.

Dominic

You know I ‘ad Zeppelin in here last month. Heheheh. Those boys have PhDs in pussy.

Brian

I've got A Level Maths.

Dominic shrugs. Roger starts admiring the car.

Roger

This is a sweet ride. What horses you pulling?

Dominic (confused)

Horses? Cheval? You want something to eat?

Brian

LOOK!

He nudges Freddie. They all turn to John.

Brian

He’s trying to say something.

John’s mouth is starting to move.

Roger

Slowly chum, no rush.

Brian

Let the words form.

Brian motions to Freddie. Freddie produces a silver salver and whips off the lid to reveal a pile of Turkish Delight. John takes one and starts to chew.

John (quietly)

I’ve been waiting for the moment… and I guess this is the closest we’ll get to the right time…

Roger pats his shoulder.

Roger

Easy, easy…

John

You know when we were in New York… and you all came back, but I stayed on?

They all nod.

John

Well I was hanging out with… Chic.

Brian

Chic?

Roger

Le Freak.

Freddie

C’est chic.

Dominic

Heheheh. Magnifique!

John pulls out his Fender bass and plugs it into a portable amp. He nods at Roger, who gets his sticks and starts tapping a rhythm on the window. John launches into the super funked up bassline to Another One Bites The Dust. Freddie and Brian can’t help but clap along. Even Dominic is bopping away behind the wheel as they get a serious groove on.

Dominic

Man, that some serious brother shit!

John segues into the hook for Under Pressure. The handclaps switch to finger snaps. Dominic is screaming his approval from up front. The limo is rocking.

Suddenly Mercury starts waving his hands.

Freddie

Stop! Stop!

They stop. He takes the Turkish Delight away from John.

Freddie

It’s not really what we do, dear. Is it?

John’s eyes drop to the floor.

John

No Freddie.

Freddie

But never let it be said I’m not a merciful mummy.

He pours them all a glass of Cristal.

Freddie

Ladies, I think we could all use a little holiday.

He whips out of his handbag four golden tickets with “first class” stamped on them.

Freddie

How’s two weeks in South Africa sound?

Dominic winces in the rearview.

Brian examines a ticket.

Brian

Sun City. The Vegas of the Transvaal. Wow!

Roger

Will they have dodgems?

Scene 4

One month later -- The PKBothadome, Sun City.

The band wait in the wings to go onstage. Freddie has grown a big fruity moustache and transformed into a full leather-clad S&M clone, complete with cap and mirror shades.

Freddie

Who’d have thought Africa would get so hot?

He removes his biker jacket, throws it to one side and is now naked from the waist up. Roger and John titter like naughty schoolboys. Brian sees what they’re laughing at. Into Freddie’s extremely hairy back they have shaved a cartoon penis. Brian slaps his hand to his forehead.

Brian

Oh Lord!

It is too late. As the taped stamp-clap of We Will Rock You begins, Freddie has already begun marching into the spotlight.

There is stunned silence. A lone Afrikaner voice yells out: “Bladdy homo.”

Scene 5

July 1985 -- Live Aid, Wembley Stadium

Greatest gig of all time, “Hello possums,” etc., etc.

ends